i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
