Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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