At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
pop tarts are not kleenex
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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