shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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