I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize