Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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