Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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