Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
