there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
