so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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