did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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