I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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