my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
