I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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