We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
