I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
