Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
