If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
