This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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