Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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