so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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