My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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