If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
These tits shall not be calmed
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize