I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
