I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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