i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
