You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize