My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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