I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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