She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
