I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
