WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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