one two three fourrrrnication!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
