Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
