I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
