hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
