Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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