similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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