it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
