you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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