Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Couch. On fire.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
