Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
