you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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