"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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