i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
