i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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