I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize