The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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