i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
