Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
