The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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