your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
