Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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