Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
