I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
