i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
