I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
