Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
