sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
