I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am available for nakedness
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize