can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
