I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
