ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
