For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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