pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
